Too many times, women find themselves huddled together thrashing out what their husbands/boyfriends did or didn’t do. It’s an easy trap to fall into and as much as I liked to say I’ve never done it… I’d be a lying.
It was a wake-up call for me in the earlier days of our marriage to continually hear how remarkably Steve talked about me to other people. Even at times when I’d been less than pleasant… Even at times when I’d done or not done certain things… he still portrayed me to others as wonderful.
When I asked him about it, he told me he loved me, he cherished me and why would he want anyone else to think less than the best of me.
While this statement left me feeling thrilled, it also left me feeling like slime.
I made it a point from that moment on not to chime in to the bashing of husbands or to run and find my friends to tell them what he’d done or not done. Instead… I praised him, I pointed out the positives, and I did my best to refrain from speaking about less than his best.
I’d like to say I’m perfect in this regard and I’ve never said a foul word since… but again, it would be a lie. But I can say, each time something negative has come out of my mouth, it’s stirred inside of me, churning and brewing. It hurt. Why would I want anyone else to think less than the best about my husband and best friend?
So, I found it refreshing today to read a friend’s blog encouraging all women to speak positively to and over the men in their lives.
Below is an excerpt from “How to Control Your Man” (don’t let the title fool you, it’s a wonderful blog.)
Ladies, God has put in us the power of influence. What we do with it can either build a man up in Christ or tear him down.
I thank Pastor JT all the time for taking care of us financially, spiritually, emotionally and many other ways. I began doing this even before he really stepped up to the plate in some of those areas. I spoke over him a vision for what I knew he could be, and he rose to it. I would thank him for working so hard at work. I would thank him for being attentive to the girls. I would thank him for hearing me out when I had a bad day. I tell him often that I think he is such a man. Warrior talk if you will.
I asked him what are the ways I make him feel like I man. Here's his responses:
"When you build me up in front of other people and I can hear you."
"When you tell me you feel safe with me."
"When you compliment the way I look, you know, like a stud!"
"When you have my back with the girls even if you disagree with me."
All of these have the ring of respect.
Men crave respect just as we crave love. Respect your man. If you have a struggle with this, find something that you do respect him for and tell him so.
He might be a hard worker. Maybe he can balance a budget like no man's business. Maybe he can make a small cottage out of a 2x4 and nails. Whatever you can find to show respect, find it and say it. They live off of respect. Don't steal it from them. Speak it into their lives. If you can't, start praying for ways that you can.
Start being deliberate about finding something you can thank him for, rather than nag him for. Nagging NEVER works. You might get what you want, but it won't be how you want it. He'll do it because he's sick of hearing you nag. Take a note from the Bible.
Proverbs 27:15-16 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
Are you someone prone to being quarrelsome? I know that this can come from not getting your needs met either. He doesn't meet your needs, you don't meet his, so he doesn't meet yours. Around and around it goes. But, we can be the one to decide to make a change. Stop the cycle. Be the one who speaks life into your husband. Speak honor. Speak respect. You might just notice that your world is a lot more wonderful.
Your words hold the power to drive your man into a cave or to raise your man into a Warrior.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Prov. 16:24
I challenge all of us, to work diligently to speak positively to and over all the people in our lives, especially our husbands, our children, our loved ones.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Change
This morning, like most mornings, I visited several of my friends’ blogs. They always seem so inspiring and thought provoking! I also checked my MySpace, because I had posted pictures last night from our Easter Trip. While I was on MySpace I felt inclined to check on one friend’s page in particular and was touched by the song playing on her profile.
The song is “Still Reprise” by Ben Folds. I hadn’t heard it before, but it spoke to me and I decided to look up the words.
They were powerful to me. It spoke to where I am in this new chapter of my family's life and it was powerful to me because it was playing from the page of an amazing young woman taking on the challenges, risks and thrill of being a Youth Pastor.
First verse:
I must give the impression
that I have the answers for everything.
you were so disappointed
to see me unravel so easily.
It’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing.
How many of us feel like we should have the answers? How many of us unravel and then struggle with remorse over displaying our vulnerability?
Second verse:
mother misses her baby
but I only wanted to be me
she changed address and haircuts
and boyfriends and light bulbs it's easy
but it’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing
In these words I saw myself, proud and eager to watch my two boys continue to grow and spread their wings, knowing their excitement and desire to discover who they are, and yet me, their momma, still desiring for them to be my sweet little boys.
I could also hear similar words coming from each of my sons, regarding everything they know changing… the world around them, their schools, church, friends, their own emotions and bodies… “even the things that seem still are still changing”
Verse Three:
I stay focused on details
it keeps me from feeling the big things
but watch the microscope long enough
things that seem still are still changing
I don’t want this to seem overly downhearted or anything, but I can see this verse in all four members of my family. We each try to focus on certain details, not the same details, but our own… sometimes in an effort, I think, not to feel the bigger things. At the same time, some part of us wants to feel those things.
Anytime there’s a big change, a big move… you think about going back, what might have been, what if you could go back to the way things were. As much as we might want to go back, things would be different, because everything is constantly changing. Change can be good and often is… but sometimes it’s tricky, it can be difficult.
I’m holding to the faith Steve and I are following a changing path laid before us for a reason.
There will be difficult days, there will be unraveling, but there will also be faith and resolve to keep moving forward… regardless of the changes.
The song is “Still Reprise” by Ben Folds. I hadn’t heard it before, but it spoke to me and I decided to look up the words.
They were powerful to me. It spoke to where I am in this new chapter of my family's life and it was powerful to me because it was playing from the page of an amazing young woman taking on the challenges, risks and thrill of being a Youth Pastor.
First verse:
I must give the impression
that I have the answers for everything.
you were so disappointed
to see me unravel so easily.
It’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing.
How many of us feel like we should have the answers? How many of us unravel and then struggle with remorse over displaying our vulnerability?
Second verse:
mother misses her baby
but I only wanted to be me
she changed address and haircuts
and boyfriends and light bulbs it's easy
but it’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing
In these words I saw myself, proud and eager to watch my two boys continue to grow and spread their wings, knowing their excitement and desire to discover who they are, and yet me, their momma, still desiring for them to be my sweet little boys.
I could also hear similar words coming from each of my sons, regarding everything they know changing… the world around them, their schools, church, friends, their own emotions and bodies… “even the things that seem still are still changing”
Verse Three:
I stay focused on details
it keeps me from feeling the big things
but watch the microscope long enough
things that seem still are still changing
I don’t want this to seem overly downhearted or anything, but I can see this verse in all four members of my family. We each try to focus on certain details, not the same details, but our own… sometimes in an effort, I think, not to feel the bigger things. At the same time, some part of us wants to feel those things.
Anytime there’s a big change, a big move… you think about going back, what might have been, what if you could go back to the way things were. As much as we might want to go back, things would be different, because everything is constantly changing. Change can be good and often is… but sometimes it’s tricky, it can be difficult.
I’m holding to the faith Steve and I are following a changing path laid before us for a reason.
There will be difficult days, there will be unraveling, but there will also be faith and resolve to keep moving forward… regardless of the changes.
Friday, March 7, 2008
New Every Morning...
Oh how I love Fridays... I feel good all day knowing it's the last day of the work week! I usually wear jeans, pull my hair back and greet everyone with a smile. The whole world just seems friendlier! :)
As much as I love Friday... and as much as I look forward to Friday... I started thinking... am I wishing away my week? As soon as Monday morning hits, I'm counting down to Friday. Am I letting life zip on by while I wait for the weekend?
My grandmother once told me she wakes up every morning thankful everything's still working and excited about the opportunities a new day brings. WOW!
I want to approach every day looking for the blessings and opportunities and not just grumble and wish it were Friday!
I think I’ll always look forward to Fridays... But starting right now, (well... I guess actually Monday) I’m going to do my best to appreciate the opportunities He makes new every morning!
Happy Friday!
As much as I love Friday... and as much as I look forward to Friday... I started thinking... am I wishing away my week? As soon as Monday morning hits, I'm counting down to Friday. Am I letting life zip on by while I wait for the weekend?
My grandmother once told me she wakes up every morning thankful everything's still working and excited about the opportunities a new day brings. WOW!
I want to approach every day looking for the blessings and opportunities and not just grumble and wish it were Friday!
I think I’ll always look forward to Fridays... But starting right now, (well... I guess actually Monday) I’m going to do my best to appreciate the opportunities He makes new every morning!
Happy Friday!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Simply Amazing...
I was bebopping in my cubicle at work… listening to “Revolutionary Love” and was suddenly struck with the fact… regardless of how much I doubt myself or worry about the little stuff, His love is unchanging. Regardless of my faults, my sin… He has a never changing love for me. In spite of the bad days, bad moods, bad behavior… He has a revolutionary love for all of us.
What a wonderfully, amazingly, beautiful thing...
Desperation leads us here, Leads us here
Illumination meets us here, Meets us here
Revelation brings us here, Brings us here
Restoration frees us here, Frees us here
And I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave this place
No, I don't want to leave, I never want to leave this place
It's so amazing, Your unchanging love
Simply amazing, Never changing love
Love, love revolutionary love
Reparation leads us here, Leads us here
Liberation meets us here, Meets us here
Jubilation brings us here, Brings us here
Higher elevation frees us here, Frees us here
You're a revolution I want to be, Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be, Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be, love, love, love
Revolutionary love
What a wonderfully, amazingly, beautiful thing...
Desperation leads us here, Leads us here
Illumination meets us here, Meets us here
Revelation brings us here, Brings us here
Restoration frees us here, Frees us here
And I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave this place
No, I don't want to leave, I never want to leave this place
It's so amazing, Your unchanging love
Simply amazing, Never changing love
Love, love revolutionary love
Reparation leads us here, Leads us here
Liberation meets us here, Meets us here
Jubilation brings us here, Brings us here
Higher elevation frees us here, Frees us here
You're a revolution I want to be, Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be, Revolutionary
You're a revolution I want to be, love, love, love
Revolutionary love
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I DON'T GET IT?
Do you ever find yourself in scenarios, where everyone around you seems to think you know more than you do? Or in situations where you feel like you’ve completely messed up or bombed and everyone is telling you how great you did???
I feel this way often.
I don’t know if its self-doubt, lack of self-esteem or lagging self confidence, but I continually find myself in these scenarios. I don’t think I lack self-confidence or esteem, but I sure don’t see things the way others seem to…
I don’t want to be a whiney or needy person. I don’t want to be that person needing constant affirmation. I seriously don’t get it though. Why are other people’s perceptions or willingness to believe in my abilities so much different than my own? It's very confusing...
I feel this way often.
I don’t know if its self-doubt, lack of self-esteem or lagging self confidence, but I continually find myself in these scenarios. I don’t think I lack self-confidence or esteem, but I sure don’t see things the way others seem to…
I don’t want to be a whiney or needy person. I don’t want to be that person needing constant affirmation. I seriously don’t get it though. Why are other people’s perceptions or willingness to believe in my abilities so much different than my own? It's very confusing...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
High Heels and Warriors...
I had a rough day yesterday. I wasn’t going to blog about it, but today I am more myself again and feel I can safely share without being too melodramatic!
Our trip to Oklahoma this weekend was wonderful!!! But leaving was absolutely miserable. If it hadn’t been for the boys, I probably would have cried the whole way home. There was an ache in my heart, grief for leaving my family, friends, church and familiarity. The rational side of me knows I can go back, I can call, I can write… the small child in me did not care about anything rational and was screaming and throwing one heck of a temper tantrum.
Yesterday, after dropping Blake off at school, the tears started. I cried out to God asking him to take it from me, to help me hold on to my joy. But I couldn’t seem to shake it. I kept my head down and to myself most of the day trying to keep from crying. If I could have, I’d have just taken the day off.
In an effort not to drag down or upset anyone, I tried not to talk about it. I know they would have willingly and lovingly listened and would have offered their words of comfort and strength, but I knew I wasn’t in a fair place. Plus I was feeling silly and guilty, after all... there are so many people dealing with things ten time more significant than feeling homesick! After sulking in my pity and sadness, with these thoughts and voices fueling my misery, I came to the realization I was under attack.
I turned to a friend, a mentor, a prayer warrior. I knew as soon as she saw my plea she would respond in a way that would help me turn it around! Not to put any added pressure on her, but she just seems to be blessed with the gift of knowing what to say and which scripture to quote! I would gladly stand beside her in any battle!
Sure enough, God spoke through her when she responded.
"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him; for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour” I Peter 5:6-8
I can’t explain it, but I could feel the words. I was feeling hunted and struggling to hold onto and look to HIM! But through the Living Word I was able to find the strength to rebuke it and tell my adversary to “BE GONE!” It was still a tough evening. My opponent did not give up easily.
Today... I am better. Started a little sluggish and grabbed Steve and asked him to pray over me! I felt a little stronger… then before walking out the door, I grabbed my boys and we prayed together as a family. I left the house knowing it would be a good day! I prayed and sang along with the radio all the way to work!
It hasn’t been perfect. I’ve allowed some frustrations with one of the boys’ teachers get to me… (That’s a whole nother blog!) But for the most part… I feel His light in my heart and I can feel it spreading!
I’ve been out reading blogs of friends and fellow LifeChurchers. They’ve all played a key part in pushing me through the last couple of weeks. One blog in particular, which just happens to be someone I went to High School with, has some great insight. I’ve really enjoyed her concept of a Stiletto Army and I’m ready to start one here in Omaha! I’ll be including my family, friends and warriors from OKC, but I know I’ve got to recruit some ground troops here! We all need those friends to turn to... even when the struggle seems small, insignificant or silly!
What about you? Do you have your High Heeled Warriors in place?
Our trip to Oklahoma this weekend was wonderful!!! But leaving was absolutely miserable. If it hadn’t been for the boys, I probably would have cried the whole way home. There was an ache in my heart, grief for leaving my family, friends, church and familiarity. The rational side of me knows I can go back, I can call, I can write… the small child in me did not care about anything rational and was screaming and throwing one heck of a temper tantrum.
Yesterday, after dropping Blake off at school, the tears started. I cried out to God asking him to take it from me, to help me hold on to my joy. But I couldn’t seem to shake it. I kept my head down and to myself most of the day trying to keep from crying. If I could have, I’d have just taken the day off.
In an effort not to drag down or upset anyone, I tried not to talk about it. I know they would have willingly and lovingly listened and would have offered their words of comfort and strength, but I knew I wasn’t in a fair place. Plus I was feeling silly and guilty, after all... there are so many people dealing with things ten time more significant than feeling homesick! After sulking in my pity and sadness, with these thoughts and voices fueling my misery, I came to the realization I was under attack.
I turned to a friend, a mentor, a prayer warrior. I knew as soon as she saw my plea she would respond in a way that would help me turn it around! Not to put any added pressure on her, but she just seems to be blessed with the gift of knowing what to say and which scripture to quote! I would gladly stand beside her in any battle!
Sure enough, God spoke through her when she responded.
"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him; for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour” I Peter 5:6-8
I can’t explain it, but I could feel the words. I was feeling hunted and struggling to hold onto and look to HIM! But through the Living Word I was able to find the strength to rebuke it and tell my adversary to “BE GONE!” It was still a tough evening. My opponent did not give up easily.
Today... I am better. Started a little sluggish and grabbed Steve and asked him to pray over me! I felt a little stronger… then before walking out the door, I grabbed my boys and we prayed together as a family. I left the house knowing it would be a good day! I prayed and sang along with the radio all the way to work!
It hasn’t been perfect. I’ve allowed some frustrations with one of the boys’ teachers get to me… (That’s a whole nother blog!) But for the most part… I feel His light in my heart and I can feel it spreading!
I’ve been out reading blogs of friends and fellow LifeChurchers. They’ve all played a key part in pushing me through the last couple of weeks. One blog in particular, which just happens to be someone I went to High School with, has some great insight. I’ve really enjoyed her concept of a Stiletto Army and I’m ready to start one here in Omaha! I’ll be including my family, friends and warriors from OKC, but I know I’ve got to recruit some ground troops here! We all need those friends to turn to... even when the struggle seems small, insignificant or silly!
What about you? Do you have your High Heeled Warriors in place?
Monday, March 3, 2008
Quick Trip
We finally made it back to OKC!!! It was a quick trip; we were in OKC for about 34 hours, but we tried to make the most of the time we had!
I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of squirrels in the attic. I had a little quiet time to visit with my mom and dad. Then we rallied the troops and headed to my grandparents’ for brunch. It was a beautiful morning and my favorite part was having everyone out front in the sunshine talking, laughing and watching the boys and my nieces goofing around!
Mid-afternoon some of the boys’ friends came to my parent’s house. It was great of my parents to open their home. Later, we attended the NW Life Church 5:00 service. It felt good to walk through the doors! I tried to soak up everything I could; the service, the worship, sitting next to my mom, seeing familiar faces, talking with friends, watching the boys interact with their friends and leaders... it was wonderful! (I loved the expression on Anna’s face and the hug she gave me!)
After church, it was like we'd never left... we drove two of Blake’s friends home and acquired a stow-away. One of Blake's friends stayed with us the rest of the evening. We made a quick trip to see some friends and then returned to my parents' house to spend more time with family and friends.
We didn’t quite make it everywhere and see everyone… but there are more trips to OKC in our future! :)
I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of squirrels in the attic. I had a little quiet time to visit with my mom and dad. Then we rallied the troops and headed to my grandparents’ for brunch. It was a beautiful morning and my favorite part was having everyone out front in the sunshine talking, laughing and watching the boys and my nieces goofing around!
Mid-afternoon some of the boys’ friends came to my parent’s house. It was great of my parents to open their home. Later, we attended the NW Life Church 5:00 service. It felt good to walk through the doors! I tried to soak up everything I could; the service, the worship, sitting next to my mom, seeing familiar faces, talking with friends, watching the boys interact with their friends and leaders... it was wonderful! (I loved the expression on Anna’s face and the hug she gave me!)
After church, it was like we'd never left... we drove two of Blake’s friends home and acquired a stow-away. One of Blake's friends stayed with us the rest of the evening. We made a quick trip to see some friends and then returned to my parents' house to spend more time with family and friends.
We didn’t quite make it everywhere and see everyone… but there are more trips to OKC in our future! :)
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