Husbands...

Too many times, women find themselves huddled together thrashing out what their husbands/boyfriends did or didn’t do. It’s an easy trap to fall into and as much as I liked to say I’ve never done it… I’d be a lying.

It was a wake-up call for me in the earlier days of our marriage to continually hear how remarkably Steve talked about me to other people. Even at times when I’d been less than pleasant… Even at times when I’d done or not done certain things… he still portrayed me to others as wonderful.

When I asked him about it, he told me he loved me, he cherished me and why would he want anyone else to think less than the best of me.

While this statement left me feeling thrilled, it also left me feeling like slime.

I made it a point from that moment on not to chime in to the bashing of husbands or to run and find my friends to tell them what he’d done or not done. Instead… I praised him, I pointed out the positives, and I did my best to refrain from speaking about less than his best.

I’d like to say I’m perfect in this regard and I’ve never said a foul word since… but again, it would be a lie. But I can say, each time something negative has come out of my mouth, it’s stirred inside of me, churning and brewing. It hurt. Why would I want anyone else to think less than the best about my husband and best friend?

So, I found it refreshing today to read a friend’s blog encouraging all women to speak positively to and over the men in their lives.

Below is an excerpt from “How to Control Your Man” (don’t let the title fool you, it’s a wonderful blog.)

Ladies, God has put in us the power of influence. What we do with it can either build a man up in Christ or tear him down.

I thank Pastor JT all the time for taking care of us financially, spiritually, emotionally and many other ways. I began doing this even before he really stepped up to the plate in some of those areas. I spoke over him a vision for what I knew he could be, and he rose to it. I would thank him for working so hard at work. I would thank him for being attentive to the girls. I would thank him for hearing me out when I had a bad day. I tell him often that I think he is such a man. Warrior talk if you will.

I asked him what are the ways I make him feel like I man. Here's his responses:

"When you build me up in front of other people and I can hear you."
"When you tell me you feel safe with me."
"When you compliment the way I look, you know, like a stud!"
"When you have my back with the girls even if you disagree with me."

All of these have the ring of respect.

Men crave respect just as we crave love. Respect your man. If you have a struggle with this, find something that you do respect him for and tell him so.

He might be a hard worker. Maybe he can balance a budget like no man's business. Maybe he can make a small cottage out of a 2x4 and nails. Whatever you can find to show respect, find it and say it. They live off of respect. Don't steal it from them. Speak it into their lives. If you can't, start praying for ways that you can.

Start being deliberate about finding something you can thank him for, rather than nag him for. Nagging NEVER works. You might get what you want, but it won't be how you want it. He'll do it because he's sick of hearing you nag. Take a note from the Bible.

Proverbs 27:15-16 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.

Are you someone prone to being quarrelsome? I know that this can come from not getting your needs met either. He doesn't meet your needs, you don't meet his, so he doesn't meet yours. Around and around it goes. But, we can be the one to decide to make a change. Stop the cycle. Be the one who speaks life into your husband. Speak honor. Speak respect. You might just notice that your world is a lot more wonderful.

Your words hold the power to drive your man into a cave or to raise your man into a Warrior.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Prov. 16:24

I challenge all of us, to work diligently to speak positively to and over all the people in our lives, especially our husbands, our children, our loved ones.