I had a rough day yesterday. I wasn’t going to blog about it, but today I am more myself again and feel I can safely share without being too melodramatic!
Our trip to Oklahoma this weekend was wonderful!!! But leaving was absolutely miserable. If it hadn’t been for the boys, I probably would have cried the whole way home. There was an ache in my heart, grief for leaving my family, friends, church and familiarity. The rational side of me knows I can go back, I can call, I can write… the small child in me did not care about anything rational and was screaming and throwing one heck of a temper tantrum.
Yesterday, after dropping Blake off at school, the tears started. I cried out to God asking him to take it from me, to help me hold on to my joy. But I couldn’t seem to shake it. I kept my head down and to myself most of the day trying to keep from crying. If I could have, I’d have just taken the day off.
In an effort not to drag down or upset anyone, I tried not to talk about it. I know they would have willingly and lovingly listened and would have offered their words of comfort and strength, but I knew I wasn’t in a fair place. Plus I was feeling silly and guilty, after all... there are so many people dealing with things ten time more significant than feeling homesick! After sulking in my pity and sadness, with these thoughts and voices fueling my misery, I came to the realization I was under attack.
I turned to a friend, a mentor, a prayer warrior. I knew as soon as she saw my plea she would respond in a way that would help me turn it around! Not to put any added pressure on her, but she just seems to be blessed with the gift of knowing what to say and which scripture to quote! I would gladly stand beside her in any battle!
Sure enough, God spoke through her when she responded.
"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him; for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour” I Peter 5:6-8
I can’t explain it, but I could feel the words. I was feeling hunted and struggling to hold onto and look to HIM! But through the Living Word I was able to find the strength to rebuke it and tell my adversary to “BE GONE!” It was still a tough evening. My opponent did not give up easily.
Today... I am better. Started a little sluggish and grabbed Steve and asked him to pray over me! I felt a little stronger… then before walking out the door, I grabbed my boys and we prayed together as a family. I left the house knowing it would be a good day! I prayed and sang along with the radio all the way to work!
It hasn’t been perfect. I’ve allowed some frustrations with one of the boys’ teachers get to me… (That’s a whole nother blog!) But for the most part… I feel His light in my heart and I can feel it spreading!
I’ve been out reading blogs of friends and fellow LifeChurchers. They’ve all played a key part in pushing me through the last couple of weeks. One blog in particular, which just happens to be someone I went to High School with, has some great insight. I’ve really enjoyed her concept of a Stiletto Army and I’m ready to start one here in Omaha! I’ll be including my family, friends and warriors from OKC, but I know I’ve got to recruit some ground troops here! We all need those friends to turn to... even when the struggle seems small, insignificant or silly!
What about you? Do you have your High Heeled Warriors in place?
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