Change

This morning, like most mornings, I visited several of my friends’ blogs. They always seem so inspiring and thought provoking! I also checked my MySpace, because I had posted pictures last night from our Easter Trip. While I was on MySpace I felt inclined to check on one friend’s page in particular and was touched by the song playing on her profile.

The song is “Still Reprise” by Ben Folds. I hadn’t heard it before, but it spoke to me and I decided to look up the words.

They were powerful to me. It spoke to where I am in this new chapter of my family's life and it was powerful to me because it was playing from the page of an amazing young woman taking on the challenges, risks and thrill of being a Youth Pastor.

First verse:

I must give the impression
that I have the answers for everything.
you were so disappointed
to see me unravel so easily.
It’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing.

How many of us feel like we should have the answers? How many of us unravel and then struggle with remorse over displaying our vulnerability?

Second verse:

mother misses her baby
but I only wanted to be me
she changed address and haircuts
and boyfriends and light bulbs it's easy
but it’s only change
only everything I know
even the things
that seem still are still changing

In these words I saw myself, proud and eager to watch my two boys continue to grow and spread their wings, knowing their excitement and desire to discover who they are, and yet me, their momma, still desiring for them to be my sweet little boys.

I could also hear similar words coming from each of my sons, regarding everything they know changing… the world around them, their schools, church, friends, their own emotions and bodies… “even the things that seem still are still changing”

Verse Three:

I stay focused on details
it keeps me from feeling the big things
but watch the microscope long enough
things that seem still are still changing

I don’t want this to seem overly downhearted or anything, but I can see this verse in all four members of my family. We each try to focus on certain details, not the same details, but our own… sometimes in an effort, I think, not to feel the bigger things. At the same time, some part of us wants to feel those things.

Anytime there’s a big change, a big move… you think about going back, what might have been, what if you could go back to the way things were. As much as we might want to go back, things would be different, because everything is constantly changing. Change can be good and often is… but sometimes it’s tricky, it can be difficult.

I’m holding to the faith Steve and I are following a changing path laid before us for a reason.

There will be difficult days, there will be unraveling, but there will also be faith and resolve to keep moving forward… regardless of the changes.